Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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