he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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