When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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