I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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