I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
