I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
