cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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