i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
