is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
