Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
