The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
