Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
