ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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