I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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