I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
