So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
