Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
