I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
