Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
