He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
