I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
