fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
