I'm going to jail i love you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
