Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
