i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
