Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
