If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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