I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
