I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Never joke about your clitoris.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
