Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
another moral hangover. fuck.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize