Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
