Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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