He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
