maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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