Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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