i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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