Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
