Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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