every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
