If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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