I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize