YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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