You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
