Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
