you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize