I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
