he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
