I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I need a beard to bite.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
