a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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