May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
