I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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