Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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