Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You are a genius and a whore.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
