Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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