she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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