Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
