Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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