I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
