I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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