She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
