I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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