I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
