the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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