so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
