After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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