I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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