Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
