If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
