I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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