yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
