if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
