dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
