yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
