Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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