I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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