Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
