i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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